So I was thinking, after looking at Jacqueline telling me she was bored… her world is amazing, but I wonder what she would have thought about mine, born in the 60’s, a child of the 70’s and a young man of the 80’s.
Besides, it might be fun to look back at this someday when I’m an old french geezer choking on cream corn and forgetting where I put my shoes 
When I was kid, there were no computers. Yes Jacqueline, none.
There were no cell phones, DVD players, or iPods. The Internet was yet to be invented by Al Gore (as was global warming and carbon credits)
There was no microwave popcorn, and there were no microwave ovens.
No remote controls, my parents referred to it as a “selector”.
It mechanically changed the station. On that TV I would watch the Apollo missions in real time, not movies of it.
Everything was in black and white; I do not know if color existed yet.
We didn’t take pictures, we took slides; when instant cameras came along, you would put the picture in a “sleeve” and stick it under your arm till the picture developed so it would stay warm.
Ever see an older show where everyone “smells” the handout in class?
We didn’t have copy machines, we had mimeograph machines instead. Oh the wondrous chemical smell. Who knows if it made you high, but it smelled good. For anyone who has ever jammed their nose into a freshly mimeographed sheet, you know.
There was no cable. When we got a VCR and cable years later, it was trouble. I immediately plugged a tape in and started recording “Bachelor Party” on Christmas morning, sending my Mother into a fit.
My Dad assured her the Fed’s would not be kicking in our front door and arresting the family, even if the warning before the movie spoke of dire Federal and International consequences for reproducing copyrighted material. I was pretty sure Interpol had better things to do.
For me, Capt’n Slappy O Blackened Whale, it was the start of a wondrous career as a pirate! Arrrrrrr
Pong was the hot new game cartridge available for my Atari 2600 gaming console. My computer, one of the first ever released to the public had no hard drive and ran off a cassette tape drive, using a discarded 13 inch black and white television for a monitor.
There would be no such thing as a mouse for the next ten years.
I could dial a bulletin board service in Lexington called “Argus”. It was my first exposure to Internet porn; albeit in black and white (damn that 13” TV …argh!) I finally discovered what was under those sweaters though!
It was way better than the Red Ryder BB Gun with a compass in the stock that the little fat kid with glasses down the street got. Last I heard, he shot his eye out.
Years would go by and we got a microwave oven; about the size of a Subaru. “If it doesn’t say Amana, it’s not a RadarRange…” went the commercial with young homemakers and their adoring friends checking out 2 minute pork chops and 30 second muffins.
The lights dimmed when it ran, and I could hear Christian broadcasting in my head. It had a great big mechanical knob on the front, and a little mechanical bell that sounded when your food was rendered tough and tasteless.
It was great for warming coffee that should have been tossed hours ago, making bread the consistency of rubber, and turning nice cuts of meat into GRAY cuts of meat.
The days of burning your mouth on your food, only to get a frozen piece on the next bite were upon me. Thankfully they got better – that was when microwave popcorn hit the stores.
I had toys then that nobody would sell these days, and I’m not talking about the dozens of appliance boxes turned into spaceships and submarines by my friends and I. The secret of course, was a vegetable knife to make doors and windows (and escape hatches!), finger paints, markers, glue, foil, and anything electronic we could cannibalize from the trash.
Woburn had a big trash day once a year … who are those kids running in slow motion with circuit boards from discarded TV’s safety pinned to their shirts? We all wanted to be Steve Austin – of course I’m glad I waited, because now he’s an old guy 
Damn you Steve Austin…
Of course no one mentioned the charged capacitors, and toxic oils present in the electronics of the day, but then we were lucky. We lived in Woburn, as long as you didn’t drink the water…
We didn’t need expensive electronics. We had fun sliding out of control down the snow covered street behind my house, past the “Howard Tree”, and into hedges that threatened to poke your eyes out at the bottom. 40 miles per hour on a flexible flyer, your buddies at the bottom signaling when traffic was clear so we could blow through the four way stop.
We would make cardboard wings that never really worked (and never gave you an indication you were royally screwed BEFORE diving face first down a hill). We all wanted to fly; I still do.
I caught frogs, snakes, and bugs like any kid – my bible was the Herter Alaskan Guide Manual (oh and my Dinosaur Books) we played Cops and Robbers; I was always the Cop, who would have thought
Johnny Lundeen, my best friend, and I would walk miles from home and always ended up getting “reported” (I mean did EVERYONE know my parents? It seemed everyone knew ME anyway)
I’ll bet my Mother never realized how well those balsa airplanes flew when launched from a 400’ cliff (cough cough), nor did she know Borden Ice Cream was at the bottom of the same cliff, and used to toss “defects” in the dumpster. Mmmm and yes Mom, they were wrapped.
I tried explaining some of the cool toys to Jacqueline, that I had as a kid, but it quickly became obvious to me that my daughter thought I was out of touch; that maybe I grew up with Wally and Beaver Cleaver. I will laugh someday when she looks back at her own childhood and tries to explain it to her children.
When I was a child, toys given to boys my age contained small choking hazards, chemicals, flammable liquids, lead paint and sharp edges. And I say “Boys” because often, these toys had it printed right on the box (i.e. “for boys aged 6-12” or “great fun for both father and son”) I still find it amusing.
I had a Gilbert Chemcraft. A big steel box with lead paint and sharp edges. This behemoth was filled with vials of chemicals, an alcohol burner, test tubes, flasks, and magnesium tape good for 4000 degree burns. Iodine’s and nitrates perfect for homemade rocket motors, chlorine and cyanide based chemicals that could produce deadly gasses, and a few that turned out to cause cancer. I remember one experiment was to blow and bend glass tubing … yea blow, don’t suck. Just saying.
There was an “Atomic” edition a few years before me – I never got to see one – thats probably a good thing
Uncle Milton’s Giant Ant Farm was another. Essentially two pieces of plastic sandwiching sand between them, and a colony of ants making tunnels. I was a god – earthquakes, floods and droughts were common place when your owner doesn’t know enough to blow his own nose.
And I can’t forget my Erector Set. Check out this video of the “Erector Set for 63”.
Forward AND Reverse? Your kidding. This thing had bags upon bags of tiny nuts, bolts and washers. Steel stamped girders and small hand tools.
Everything was sharp, and if the girder was too long, you bent it until it broke. It was great for leaving little red spots all over the floor
I can’t remember building anything of significance with it though, I was too busy screwing around with the motor and controls – taking them apart, never to work right again.
Tonka – this short list wouldn’t be complete without mentioning my fleet of Tonka’s. I had them all, except in my day they were called “Mighty Tonka’s”.
Strong wheels and axles, and dozens of square feet of bright yellow lead paint covered metal. I could ride in the Might Dump. According to my mother I could also hide all the eggs in it too, and put it back in the toy box without breaking a single one. Who knows, though it sounds like me.
I think at one point using the Mighty Loader, the Might Bulldozer, the Mighty Crane and the Mighty Dump, that I moved more earth than the Big Dig. I know I definitely made a mess.
I had a blast in Woburn; haunted houses, catching crayfish, Choate Hospital for yet more stitches, and going to work with my Dad. I don’t remember ever being bored, so maybe that’s why my own child, and for that matter her friends, confuse me at times.
So is being a goofy science kid with big ears a part of a time now past? Maybe.
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